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Brian beat me to it. I too was taken with the poem created by Jabiz’s student.
When writing, I often write with placeholder lyrics (Think the classic McCartney placeholder “Scrambled Eggs” which held an early position over “Yesterday” in his famous song of the same name). I need something with the right amount of syllables that will match a melody, and so I grabbed some of the lines that I think worked as non-rhyming verses, and then got stuck on the chorus.
“Broker than Jesus” is a placeholder, though, if you were a believer, it would make a decent allusion. Pieces is a tough one to rhyme. “He says, she says” would work, as would “Reese’s”(of peanut butter & chocolate fame). “Cheeses” would work as well (Ha), but “broker than cheeses” is a pretty stupid metaphor, and most would hear “broker than Cheesus,” as in, cheese Jesus, which is probably worse.
I also added a second verse, as I wanted to have a double verse before the chorus, and connect the two first lines of both, ie. “Emotion” / “Commotion”
Here’s where I ended up. Thanks Michelle for letting me use your work!
What if pain was more than an emotion?
made your heart bleed,
broke your bones,
and bruised your skin?
What if pain, was more than just this commotion
turning up my chest,
denying my rest.
If that’s the case, I must be in pieces.
If that’s the case, I’m broker than Jesus
What if life was only just a game;
winning the beginning;
lovers throw you off your path;
friends only there for empty promises;
enemies are the only ones who listen.